Somebody Else’s Perfect Words

Holy Cowabunga!

All kinds of amazing personal self-discovery going on over at Havi’s today! Check out some of the links in her post, especially this one:

S is for Stimming, which for me is Supportive of Sanity and Serenity.

I personally self-identity (S-word!) as HSP and not so much with autism but hello, stimming (my dear friend!), and also hello, spectrum, another important S-word. May we all find a comfortable spot, a sense of security and “oh, this is me!”

And this one: rediscovering-stimming-as-an-adult by ExtendedExile.

Please read them, and the awesome comments, and then come back here. (Oh, please do come back – I’d miss you something fierce if you didn’t!)

Those posts are being as transformative (in the last 2 hours!) as reading “You Mean I’m NOT Crazy, Stupid or Lazy?” was.

I really AM OKAY, just the way I am. I’m NOT broken or wrong or crazy – I just don’t didn’t know how to use my brain-hardware happily.


Bright [if chilly (understatement of the year – it’s 5 above right now)] Blessings to you all ~

Karen / Kharmin / Kay 🙂


Hah! Another Friday morning dash-it-off post ~ And SEND!

This article just came across my transom, courtesy of Lissa Boles.

It’s Mike Rowe from “Dirty Jobs”, talking about what I call Micro-Rules and finding your *perfect* (whatever):

A Fan Asks Mike Rowe For Career Advice…He Didn’t Expect This Response, But It’s Brilliant. 

Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs is an awesome guy. He can build or fix anything, he’s very entertaining, and has a great sense of humor. Mike also tells it like it is and gives great advice to others. A fan wrote him and asked him for some career advice:

Hey Mike!

I’ve spent this last year trying to figure out the right career for myself and I still can’t figure out what to do. I have always been a hands on kind of guy and a go-getter. I could never be an office worker. I need change, excitement, and adventure in my life, but where the pay is steady. I grew up in construction and my first job was a restoration project. I love everything outdoors. I play music for extra money. I like trying pretty much everything, but get bored very easily. I want a career that will always keep me happy, but can allow me to have a family and get some time to travel. I figure if anyone knows jobs its you so I was wondering your thoughts on this if you ever get the time! Thank you!

– Parker Hall

And here’s the reply…

Hi Parker

My first thought is that you should learn to weld and move to North Dakota. The opportunities are enormous, and as a “hands-on go-getter,” you’re qualified for the work. But after reading your post a second time, it occurs to me that your qualifications are not the reason you can’t find the career you want.

I had drinks last night with a woman I know. Let’s call her Claire. Claire just turned 42. She’s cute, smart, and successful. She’s frustrated though, because she can’t find a man. I listened all evening about how difficult her search has been. About how all the “good ones” were taken. About how her other friends had found their soul-mates, and how it wasn’t fair that she had not.

“Look at me,” she said. “I take care of myself. I’ve put myself out there. Why is this so hard?”

“How about that guy at the end of the bar,” I said. “He keeps looking at you.”

“Not my type.”

“Really? How do you know?”

“I just know.”

“Have you tried a dating site?” I asked.”

“Are you kidding? I would never date someone I met online!”

“Alright. How about a change of scene? Your company has offices all over – maybe try living in another city?”

“What? Leave San Francisco? Never!”

“How about the other side of town? You know, mix it up a little. Visit different places. New museums, new bars, new theaters…?”

She looked at me like I had two heads. “Why the hell would I do that?”

Here’s the thing, Parker. Claire doesn’t really want a man. She wants the “right” man. She wants a soul-mate. Specifically, a soul-mate from her zip code. She assembled this guy in her mind years ago, and now, dammit, she’s tired of waiting!!

I didn’t tell her this, because Claire has the capacity for sudden violence. But it’s true. She complains about being alone, even though her rules have more or less guaranteed she’ll stay that way. She has built a wall between herself and her goal. A wall made of conditions and expectations. Is it possible that you’ve built a similar wall?

Consider your own words. You don’t want a career – you want the “right” career. You need “excitement” and “adventure,” but not at the expense of stability. You want lots of “change” and the “freedom to travel,” but you need the certainty of “steady pay.” You talk about being “easily bored” as though boredom is out of your control. It isn’t. Boredom is a choice. Like tardiness. Or interrupting. It’s one thing to “love the outdoors,” but you take it a step further. You vow to “never” take an office job. You talk about the needs of your family, even though that family doesn’t exist. And finally, you say the career you describe must “always” make you “happy.”

These are my thoughts. You may choose to ignore them and I wouldn’t blame you – especially after being compared to a 42 year old woman who can’t find love. But since you asked…

Stop looking for the “right” career, and start looking for a job. Any job. Forget about what you like. Focus on what’s available. Get yourself hired. Show up early. Stay late. Volunteer for the scut work. Become indispensable. You can always quit later, and be no worse off than you are today. But don’t waste another year looking for a career that doesn’t exist. And most of all, stop worrying about your happiness. Happiness does not come from a job. It comes from knowing what you truly value, and behaving in a way that’s consistent with those beliefs.

Many people today resent the suggestion that they’re in charge of the way the feel. But trust me, Parker. Those people are mistaken. That was a big lesson from Dirty Jobs, and I learned it several hundred times before it stuck. What you do, who you’re with, and how you feel about the world around you, is completely up to you.

Good luck,


PS. I’m serious about welding and North Dakota. Those guys are writing their own ticket.

PPS. Think I should forward this to Claire?

That’s one more reason to like Mike Rowe. He’s too cool! If you enjoyed Mike’s advice, share it with others.

Source: The Real Mike Rowe

(found again at  April 7, 2016)

The most important line is in the last paragraph: “…most of all, stop worrying about your happiness. Happiness does not come from a job. It comes from knowing what you truly value, and behaving in a way that’s consistent with those beliefs.

All I can add right now is “The grass is always greener where you water it!” – Listen for your own Micro-Rules that keep what you truly want far away from you. Make changes in how you talk to yourself, and to the Universe. Your world will change right along with you.

Blessings, all…



On more check-it-offs and fewer blows to your self-regard ~ from David Caine at Raptitude

“You don’t need the mind’s approval to get started. All you need is to get clear, on an intellectual level, what you want done, and then move your body until you’re in the middle of it.”…

“Your body, quite reliably, does what you tell it. Your mind insists on deliberating and debating, consulting with a hundred trustees and boards. It draws up complex documents for you to sign, demanding feasibility studies, immunity from all liabilities and a guaranteed return on investment. Skip this meeting, it’s a trap.”

I convene *that* meeting several times a day! It is a time-suck and an energy-drain, and a slippery slope into depression. ~ It’s time to install a new management model.


Since this post, like most others here, has been sitting in Drafts – untouched – for several days, I am taking more Baby Steps to installing my “new model”:

“POST!” 🙂

Added, ten minutes after “Post” ~

Corrina Scott-Barnes’ post from yesterday:

Beautiful, and just what I needed to see and hear this morning! {{{Corrina}}} – you’re beautiful!  ~ K


And this, from Andrew at Nurturing Creativity:

Closing the window now, and putting my coat (back) on… 😉

Because Jess totally ROCKs  – and every one of these posts is a gem of “You probably don’t need to “Personally Develop” anything – you just need to do what you already know!”

Go here, read this:


Fancy Meeting You Here!

 No, seriously. It’s fancy.
I’m even wearing pearls.

So, here’s the deal.

The Brazen Bible is your bustling hub for tackling your ifs and butwhile holding your butt. Picture your grandmother’s attic, assuming your grandmother’s attic is stuffed to the gills with information, resources, and anecdotes about carpe‘ing that motherfucking diem and still finding time to go to happy hour(s). It’s your time to kick fear in the nards, bust down the walls you’ve systematically built yourself into, and LIVE. Because settling for mediocrity? Isn’t actually living at all. 

Disclaimer: Shit gets shouty ’round these parts.

Ready? Set! Win.


And then read anything and everything that catches your eye (or your heart).

“Collected Wisdom-worthy”  thoughts from my Drafts file that I was too (something) to finish and post ~

The Fear and Failure Edition:

“Everything that you are today – everything that you can do subconsciously, like drive a car or make scrambled eggs, or even swim: there was a point where you absolutely couldn’t do it. And it terrified you. …

~ From the video in this post by Kevin Cole at “On Doing The Things That Scare The Shit Out Of You”

Independent or Survivalist?

Are you (am I?) more of an Independent or a Survivalist?  A commentary on two generally conflicting philosophical  approaches from Shanna Mann at  “The Dark Side of Self-Reliance”.

Mindfulness, Moderation (and Losing Weight)

A wide-ranging conversation from Joel D Canfield, Writer: “Why I’m Losing Weight (and Why I Never Could Before)”


More of these to come – I’ve only scratched the surface. For today, I’ve used enough time on this.

Bright Blessings, my friends!  ~  Karen

“I want a(nother) cigarette… “

I hear that in my head on a regular basis, sometimes within 3 minutes of finishing one.

This morning, I asked myself: “What part of “I” wants what part of that cigarette?”   Mouth? hands? lungs? brain chemistry? blood chemistry? brain habit? (which one(s)?) body habit?

Is it the smoke? the smell? the broncho-dilator effect? the blood vessel dilation? the muscle relaxant effect? the muscle-movements of inhaling? the tiny little division of attention needed to type AND hold a cigarette between my fingers? a ‘cool factor’ (This is what a writer, writing looks like – from really old movies, don’chya know)?

Am I really hungry? thirsty? resisting some Authority?  …my own Authority? Am I bored? scared? confused? excited? (forgot one: horny?) (also: really, really relaxed ~wink~)


One thing I’m certain of, is that it’s not – as the sound-bites would have us believe – “all about the nicotine” — there’s a ton of other things (emotional, logical and physical) going on, too.

And a “smoke break” has a different effect than a cigarette *at the same time*. ~ Sometimes the best thing to do is to get up and get away from the project. ~ Sometimes, what’s really called for is that boost in the *right-here-right-now*.  When I want to stretch and widen my focus, give my attention room to wander,  “Must go outside” is useful.  When I need more focus on the project at hand, the last thing that would help me is to put it all down and go somewhere else and risk losing track of what I was doing.


I’ve been more-or-less successful in keeping to 1 pack per day or longer (20 smokes in 24 hours) but some days are far, far from that goal.

I do smoke much less when I only buy one or two packs at a time, not by the carton.  (There’s no longer a price differential, so using the “scarcity” trick does come in handy!)  Another “trick” I’ve just thought of while writing this is “What else could today’s $8 be used for?”

I can’t give a general answer to any of those questions because they’re all situational: “It depends…” is the only accurate generalization that applies! Maybe simply digging up the questions will help find more deeper answers, though…?

Bright Monday Blessings to you, my friends ~


PS: This article definitely shouldn’t stay buried deep in the comments:

Much thanks to Joel Zaslofsky from The Value of Simple  for turning me on to this:

Neil Gaiman addressing the University of the Arts (Philadelphia) Class of 2012…

“Make Good Art!”

Neil Gaiman is only one of the most brilliant, original, life-inspiring fiction writers I know of … He wrote among other things: “Coraline”, “American Gods”,  “Neverwhere” (with Terry Pratchett), and DC’s “Sandman” comics.

This message is for everybody, not just “artists” or “creatives” – we ALL could benefit from spotting our mountain and heading for it on purpose, every day of our lives.

If  you’re sleep-walking through your life (like I did for so many years) I hope this helps to inspire you to Wake Up!

Cast some eye-ttention on these marvelous photos ~


I found them on Pinterest, thanks to Beth’s comment at Bridget P’s Color of the Year post. One of these is on her board, and I followed *it* home 😉

The source-site seems to be in Japanese, so all I know (for sure) is that they were taken with a Nikon camera.

Beth captioned it as a “Long exposure photo during firefly season in Okayama, Japan.”  That’s no doubt a fact… though I see Fairyland, as captured by Gustav Klimt ~

Do remember to come back to earth eventually, please …

(Truth be told, this is as much for me as for all of you ~ and it’s swiped from a wonderful sales page(!) that Ariane Benefit sent out this morning. )

Happy New Year!

Every new year brings with it an opportunity for a fresh start.  As you are reflecting, I hope you find yourself delighted by the progress you have made in your life in the past year.

My personal benchmark is to look for not only “what” I’ve accomplished, but also at “who” I’ve become.

Have I become

  • a little wiser?  more peaceful?
  • a little more patient? more compassionate?
  • a little kinder to myself and others?
  • a little more accepting of my new normal as each year of aging affects my body?

I know I’ll never be perfect and in fact, I no longer even want to be!  I’ve found that what I used to think of as my weaknesses (like not having a biological clock, or not following orders well) are actually what makes it possible for me to deeply connect with people and be forgiving and compassionate.  They are actually my sources of strength.  Each little struggle makes me that much stronger.

There is no healing for the holes in your soul like being able to see yourself as you are and liking what you see.

In 2013, my deepest wish for you is to have lots of moments every day where you stop for a minute, pause the endless stream of what isn’t done yet, and just give yourself credit.
  • Credit for all that you are putting up with.
  • Credit for all that you are going through, and
  • Credit for somehow still being a caring, giving, creative and generous person who is always ready to help someone in need.
Find out more about Ariane and her new AgiliZen program at


My wishes for us all in 2013 ~

  • May you feel the Love you are surrounded by with an open heart
  • May you be Gentle with yourself and with others
  • May you see the Beauty that is in the World with new eyes
  • May you Grow in wonderful and unexpected ways

Bright Blessings, my dears!



‘Tis time once again for Unka Ioseph to tell


    “Hey! Wake up there!”

The Fool opened His eyes, stretched, and rolled over on the soft grass of the Summerland.

“I suppose you’re talking to me?” he murmured.

“I certainly am!” The Lady, shimmering in Her Aspect as the Goddess of Love, smiled at Him. Had He been human, that smile would have sent Him into a transport of happiness. As it was, He felt a little shiver of joy run on catfeet down his spine.

“What’s up?” He got to His feet, brushing back his hair.

“What’s up? WHAT’S UP?” The Lady looked at Him in disbelief. “Dummy! It’s almost Your birthday!”

The Fool looked puzzled for a moment. “My birthday? I thought We have been…..for always…..We don’t -have- birthdays, do we?”

The Lady grinned, shifting into the Nymph for a delightful moment. “No, we don’t, but Humanity likes to give Us birthday parties, and yours is probably the biggest… you need to get moving!”

“So I do! And this Aspect is probably one of my favorites!” The Fool jumped in the air, landing on His hands in a perfect handstand with a jingling of bells. Then he took His hands off the ground, and hung suspended, upside down, in mid-air. One leg was folded at the knee.

“Can You stand on Your head?” He grinned.

“Not with -this- dress on!” She laughed.

Humming a tuneless melody. the Fool strode thru Summerland, and thru the cloudy space between the Worlds of the MultiVerse, finally ending up on a small, very green-and-blue planet that the natives called “the Earth.”

“It’s My Birthday a-comin’!” He shouted, and there was a stirring, and a movement. The Life that was locked in the grip of Winter remembered that Spring would come, as it always will, and the half of the world that was in Summer gave a little quiver of happiness.

He went to a Place, and put on the suit, and the Aspect to fit it. He hitched the nine animals to His sleigh, grooming them with loving hands. Then He loaded it with gifts for all the people of the Earth. He was helped by quite a lot of the smaller elves, who found the game most enjoyable. Most of these gifts were toys, but many of them were practical, useful things.
Some, like Love, and Peace, and Happiness, were quite insubstantial….but they were His Gifts nonetheless.

He laughed. No longer slim, but chunky (if not fat), and dressed in a red suit lined with white fur, His laughter was a “Ho! Ho! Ho!” of gladness that rolled over the Earth.

He spent the next instant of Time (“And what a clever concept Time is,” He thought in self-congratulation) delivering His gifts, riding the sleigh to the music of tiny bells thru the night.

“Good Yule! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukka! Io Saturnalia! Hail Mithras! Welcome Cernunnos!” He shouted.

“And a Happy Birthday to Me,” He added under His breath, with a grin.

He landed the sleigh, and unhitched His animals. Each one was Named, and each one nuzzled Him as an old friend. The last was younger than the rest, and full of energy, bounding across the Place like a puppy in a warm kitchen. The red light from his nose reflected on the snow, and gave a joyful light that lit the sky in a glowing aurora.

The Fool laughed at the sight, and hung up His suit. Still smiling, He took off the Aspect, and returned to the Summerland over the paths He knew so well.

“Well,” She said, “Did everything go all right?”

The Fool leaned back against a tree and watched a butterfly land on His nose. “Yep. Got all My presents delivered. Did the usual sleigh- and-reindeer thing with the red suit and all…..great fun! I sure like to see the children happy.”

“Well, You sure are bass-ackwards sometimes!” The Lady shook Her finger at Him in mock anger.

“Huh? Whattya mean?” The Fool was puzzled.

“Well….everybody else -gets- presents for their birthdays. You gotta reverse it and give presents away!”

The Fool giggled, and said, “That’s my Nature, dearest. By the way, your fly’s open.”

The Lady looked down and reached to zip up Her fly, and then did a perfect double-take.

“But….I don’t -have- a fly!”

And the Fool leaned back against the World Tree and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Thus it was, and so it is, and evermore shall be so!


copyright 1993 WJ Bethancourt III

J. Bethancourt

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