So, all of my chickens are coming home to roost ~ all the missed commitments; maintenance deferred and “I don’ wanna’s”; follow-up’s not followed; bills not paid “this week” (or next). Bank balances (yes, all of them!) are in the low 2-digits; and I’m afraid to answer the phone half the time – and mortified to tell anybody – because “It’s all my own fault!” don’tchyaknow?
I feel like I have way too many items “at the top of the list” – so nothing gets done, and I spend yet another day and night, playing arcade games on-line – no hard decisions to make, there!
And no ‘hard work’ either. Of course, there’s also ‘no real gain’ – Duh! Nothing can possibly get taken care of with “jewels”!!
I know all this, and still, I hide…
Seems like everything possible will take either “TOO MUCH MONEY” or “TOO MUCH TIME” or both – all according to the old scripts in my head, of course, not necessarily a real, accurate assessment of the facts on the ground today.
That was all true, even before I decided last month to invest the utility-bill-money in one prescription for Himself, so he could, oh, breathe. And then the furnace quit, and Friday, my alternator belt broke! Suddenly, several thousand dollars, preferably “don’t have to pay it back” dollars (because yaknow, I’ve not been so good at keeping commitments), would make me feel much better, and take care of several large problems, so I could deal with all the other annoying little things that get in the way all the time.
What I’d appreciate from you, dear reader (if anybody’s out there), is moral support. Please don’t try to make me feel even worse about myself, and I know I’m “not the only one in this predicament”! It’s all true, but it doesn’t help ME, RIGHT NOW…
So – “Do Something!” you say? Okay:
2:30 ~ I’m off to the City to sign my tax returns, and get *that* chunk of money on the road, and then fix my other computer (probably just a dirty connection), and then write off for help w/ DH’s very expensive meds. More when I get those 3 things done … K